| (no subject) |
[Nov. 10th, 2009|12:59 pm] |
Nobody is ever there when they say they're going to be.
Everybody always lets me down.
The people I love are not supposed to upset me this much.
He scratched me.
Not just my vag, all over.
I don't like it rough like that.
Why is it so hard to talk about sex?
Why was he like that?
I feel violated, in a way.
Talking isn't making me feel any better.
I just feel stupid for crying now.
Kristen never emailed me back and I've sent her two emails.
Fuck, I just want to hear a voice from home.
I just want to know where home is. |
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| TransAnxiety |
[Nov. 10th, 2009|01:24 am] |
So. When I first moved to Vancouver from my crappy, closed minded city, I had kind of arrived on the false impression that maybe my anxiety wouldn't make a return here. Although I should have known that, having dealt with anxiety and depression since I was 13, and I am about to turn 22 next month, that simply moving to a "more open minded" area wouldn't eliminate the anxiety and depression forever. It was completely fine for the first few months, but I've completely unraveled again, and I don't have a clue what triggered it. Now all of a sudden, I'm suicidal every day again, and I can't get on the mass-transit system without having a mild heart attack over whether or not everyone in the vehicle is judging my soul to death. Its like I'm petrified to my seat every time.
I mentioned it to my doctor today when I went in for my Spiro refill. Apparently now I'm a candidate for free counseling. I asked if I would still need to talk to a gender therapist for it to count towards hours clocked towards getting approved for SRS, and she said no. It'll all count towards everything I'm working for, I just need to be approved by a psychiatrist when I'm going for the actual SRS (which is covered by health care, bless their souls). Thankfully, there are several that can approve me here instead of just the one Alberta had. Which is marvelous, because to be frank, I'm not a big fan of a therapist telling me I can or can not make the decision for myself anyway at $200 an hour. I would like to applaud the health care system for actually caring about my well-being here. Calgary will bleed you dry for as much as they can get. In my opinion anyway. Its nice to know I really do have access to help and progress when I'm poor and isolated.
Although as much as I love the Three Bridges Clinic for all of these things, I do wish they'd stop sticking me with a different student doctor every time I go in. Just felt like sharing this. It's been a really hard couple of weeks. Maybe I need to just accept that I do need more trans oriented friends, because my cisgendered friends, accepting as they are, just don't seem to understand or connect with me on that level of my life. So that's probably a large part of the reason for my feeling of isolation and a breeding ground for feelings of not being wanted.
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 10th, 2009|03:16 am] |
so tonight i went to a train concert with my best friend shane. it has been one of my dreams to meet pat monahan and the rest of the band since i was 10, they are my idols, so it was like one of the best nights of my life.
( :D ) |
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| hiatus over? |
[Nov. 9th, 2009|11:07 pm] |
yay! i got a computer again, so no more hiatus!!!
if you don't remember...i'm Kage, 23 pre-everything in Ohio. And I'm excited to say I got my name change court date for Dec 29th AND my first appt with my therapist is next monday...Nov 16th! i'm finally getting my shit in line! So here are some pics....enjoy!
( pics, i've been on hiatus )
hope you enjoyed them! |
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| new here |
[Nov. 9th, 2009|10:27 pm] |
hey guys,
my names sebastian, im 23 years old and new to this site! hoping to learn from your experiences and share my experiences with you all! im pre everything right now, and am identifying as male only around my friends.
My question for you guys is, have any of you had a negative reaction from BOTH of your parents when coming out to them? I currently still live at home with my parents (i know i need to get a job and my own place haha) and I am terrified of what I will do if they disown me. My parents are very conservative people, and I know my dads side of the family is not very fond of the LGBT lifestyle i suppose. What did you do if your parents reacted negatively to your new sense of self? I really want to move foward with my transition, and i really want the help of my family for support and encouragement. But i know that can't happen until I come out to them, so I guess i am wondering in your opinion on whether i should come out to them now and risk being disowned and kicked out, or wait until i have my own place (could be up to a year away) and then tell them? *sigh* this is so frustrating!
Thanks in advance and heres a pic for you all:
(ps how do you make that link thing for showing your pictures?) 
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| why? |
[Nov. 9th, 2009|09:02 pm] |
so yeah i know i am just starting the process but heels make me feel pretty. |
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| Jobs in England? |
[Nov. 9th, 2009|08:21 pm] |
Is anyone here or does anyone know of anywhere Trans friendly in the Crew/Holmes Chapel area of England that is hiring. Lilly's partner (Trinity) is desperately looking for a full time job and has been having no luck. Trinity is great amazing with computers and has done IT work, that would be preferred but anything help will be most appreciated.
Thank you so very much for taking the time to read this. We are running out of ideas.
Love,
~Lilly |
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| Uni (5 Pictures) |
[Nov. 9th, 2009|06:11 pm] |
I've been having a lot of fun at university, I've been passing almost 100% of the time which is pretty awesome (less awesome that I tend to pass as straight when I'm not but can't have everything). I'm a little late with the Halloween pictures but I thought I'd share them anyway. I take no credit for the costume at all, my friend who is the mad hatter in these photos made it for me in less then day, he rules. In other good news I am awaiting the nice letter that tells me I have to wait a long time for my first appointment at Charing Cross so things are on the move.
( Ethan|18|Pre-medical transition ) |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 9th, 2009|11:06 am] |
Hey guys.. I need a shoulder.
I'm Mike, im 24. I'm living in orlando. I'm poor. I'm off my T. I dont have any docs down here. I'm lightyears away from surgery. I'm single. And I feel like I'm living in a shithole.
I guess what I'm saying is I need friends. I literally only know the people I work with and they basically all learned about me being trans right off the bat. I'm way more solitary than I'd like and I think its gone something to do with it. I'm reeling a bit after a girl told me I'm not her type because I cant stop reading that to mean "I dont like girls who pretend to be guys." I just havent really found a place to fit here and it just seems like everythings coming apart at the seams.
A few guys contacted me saying theyre in orlando too off of FTMVanity, but I lost their emails. I guess I'm looking for someone to hangout with. Someone to talk to. It seems like its impossible to make friends without college to help the process.
I'm just having a crappy day and dysphorias taking advantage of it, I'm stuck in a whirlwind, in my apartment, which feels like doom.
sigh. I dont even know what I'm asking for. Attention maybe? |
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| How many ways to become infertile? |
[Nov. 9th, 2009|06:30 am] |
I know of the surgeries they do which can make anyone infertile. But there's ways other than surgery isn't there? I'm positive I'm not the only one who gets gender dysphoria from likely being fertile. If I can completely lose my fertility my self esteem will be a LOT higher. So with surgery out of the picture how many ways can someone become completely infertile, and how safe are all these said methods? What about some combined ways to become infertile? So far I've heard about having cellphones in ones pocket, certain types of medication, lots of hot showers, high amounts of caffeine, lack of sunlight /etc/, but it's really complicated there may have been things I didn't hear about yet?
Also want to hear about ways for both mtf, and ftm infertility as I'm positive there's other people in the same situation here. |
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| Senior Pictures |
[Nov. 8th, 2009|11:07 pm] |
Hey guys,
been a long time since I first posted. Just got my senior pictures done and was hoping you guys could offer some input on which one I should choose? It's for the yearbook XD.
Info: Kyle, almost 6 months on T, getting surgery in February, 17
( Photos )
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| a few more...maybe more than a few |
[Nov. 8th, 2009|03:47 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  accomplished | ] |
It's been a hard couple of weeks. Someone I love finally decided she'd had enough of the sickness. They couldn't do chemo any more, she got swine flu and then pneumonia, and was just not able to fight back any further, so hospice was her last stop. She was strong, dignified and beautiful to the end, and she insisted I not spend my days crying over her death, but instead living my life. It has been challenging to both be honest with myself about my emotions (a current goal of mine) and live in a way which honors her requests. But I told her I would have to allow myself to cry on occasion if I felt the need, but that over all, my efforts would be to live life to the fullest, and to carry on her work as I am physically able. I still have daily migraines, and I still live in chronic pain from the Fibromyalgia, but my art keeps me in the best mental frame possible while dealing with all of the above. I have to say, I'm surprised at how well my friends and I have been handling her death. Brain cancer sucks :P (www.greymatters.org) Since then I've been going day by day working on keeping my promises to her like shaving my head, working on reclaiming the mask that held her down during chemo (she saw it at it's current stage, but there is still more I wanted to do to it before it would be done, so she wanted me to keep working on it and I am doing so even tho she may not be able to see it depending on what goes on in her afterlife) etc.
So true to my word, I have been continuing my life. And surprisingly to me, having so much fun with this 365 project. It's really challenged me photographically, and honestly keeps me going on days I can hardly move. Recently I joined a couple groups which challenge me even more and give me great ideas. We have a theme a week, or a theme a day depending on the group, and sometimes I take the challenge other times not, but it always gives me ideas. Here's some examples of the fun:
( onto the pics )
I hope you enjoyed the self portraits...here's a couple other pics I did recently that I thought you'd enjoy. Like me as graffiti: http://www.flickr.com/photos/sean-michael365/4080881231/ Introducing LEGO Spiderman: http://www.flickr.com/photos/sean-michael365/4087351308/ and my first ever stencil, Guy Fawkes: http://www.flickr.com/photos/sean-michael365/4080145597/
hope you enjoy! |
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| Is sexual orientation an oppressive cisgender concept? [Controversial] warning. |
[Nov. 8th, 2009|07:46 am] |
I mean it just seems so binary. You can't be a true heterosexual, or a true heterosexual if you do not have an opposite to your gender. The lucky ones amongst us get to become full men, or full women one day. A lot of the rest of us are forced to live as not fully either gender. Some of us who can't transition are thrown into lifelong androgyny. Some of us non-transitioners can't truly be heterosexual, homosexual, or bisexual because we don't have a purely opposite gender to compare to. Are these labels, oppressive ones made for people who get to live on the binary spectrum? I feel left out, and frustrated whenever I hear people mention their sexual orientation. I get reminded that physical femininity mixed with physical masculinity mixed with a feminine personality makes me neither gender in a sense. Then I feel left out because I don't have an opposite to claim a sexual orientation.
TLDR: Are sexual orientations extremely binary biased thus oppressive to non-binary people?
Edit: Removed the term "pure" as it has bad undertones. |
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| Transgender in Canadian Military |
[Nov. 8th, 2009|02:15 am] |
hey guys, I have the opportunity to write an article for "This Magazine," a Canadian national magazine.
I want to write a feature on transfolk in the Canadian forces and this means I need a character. If anyone is in Toronto or the surrounding area and is interested in making their story known, please message me!
Thanks so much! |
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| Question |
[Nov. 8th, 2009|01:39 am] |
I am getting ready to move to a new state and town in the next year or so. When I go I am hoping to introduce myself from the get go as female. I understand that this will probably scare some people away but then again those are not the people I would want to get to know anyway right? I guess my question is, is it a good idea to be upfront with new people right away about being trans or is it likely to isolate me from the community before they have a chance to accept me? |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 7th, 2009|05:11 pm] |
Hi! I am looking for a few titles for a research project I am doing. It's about the comparison/contrast of the Deaf and Queer (focus on Trans/Intersex) cultures. I would like to just borrow for the book no longer than a month, I promise not to highlight in it or dogear. I take good care of books, and will promptly return them no less than a month. If you have a title (or any that fit under this theme), please comment and we can get in touch via private message to discuss semantics :) I have plenty of deaf (written by deaf authors, sans Harlan Lane) books, just not a lot of queer ones (ironically...) Our libraries (and I searched them all through the SAILS network, including college libraries) do not have these titles, so suggestions of looking for the library are unhelpful!
No Pity: People With Disabilities Forging a New Civil Rights Movement by Joseph P. Shapiro
Fear Of A Queer Planet: Queer Politics and Social Theory by Michael Warner
Intersex and Identity: The Contested Self by Sharon E. Preves
Transgender Rights by Paisley Currah
Enforcing Normalcy: Disability, Deafness, and the Body by Lennard J. Davis
Transgender History by Susan Stryker
Just Add Hormones: An Insider's Guide to the Transsexual Experience by Matt Kailey
Transmen and FTMs: Identities, Bodies, Genders, and Sexualities by Jason Cromwell
In a Queer Time and Place: Transgender Bodies, Subcultural Lives by Judith Halberstam
Sexing the Body: Gender Politics and the Construction of Sexuality by Anne Fausto-Sterling
No Pity : People with Disabilities Forging a New Civil Rights Movement by Joseph P. Shapiro
Imagining Transgender: An Ethnography of a Category by David Valentine
The Transgender Child: A Handbook for Families and Professionals by Stephanie A. Brill
I have crossposted this in a few different places to cover some good ground. |
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| Help me i'm too hairy :( |
[Nov. 7th, 2009|02:56 pm] |
"Help....help...help" (imagine the voice trailing off for dramatic affect)...
Please tell me if anyone has had any personal experience regarding what can be done with way too much body hair (*frowns*).
I am trapped in here! This body I have is so hairy (almost I swear like a guerilla). What has worked for any of my sisters out there?? I am trying laser now...but I heard it isn't permanent and will be starting hormones soon, I heard they help.
So please help me. If any of you can share what helped as you were starting MTF transition I would be forever grateful.
☆¸.·´¸.·*´¨) ¸.·*¨) (.·´ (¸.·`★*☆*★* Love DeeDee |
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| so i'm kind of annoyed right now |
[Nov. 7th, 2009|03:05 am] |
chris came over, right? and it was supposed to be all good and fun.
except not.
he/s being annoyingly clingy and annoying and ruining gabe and mark couple time and we were both tired and i wanted to play with the baby laptop but he would NOT GO AWAY
so i am annoyed
because i am tired
but not sleepy
kristen is not around to vent to.
ugh
why so clingy?
i don't want to tell him that. |
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